I have been an Open (source, government, access, etc) type of person for much of my adult life. There are thoughts of mine that I posted to networks since the 1980’s which are available in online archives (Article referencing something I posted in 1992). I’m a lifelong learner, so I’ve even written articles focused on how my ideas have changed over the decades.
2024 was emotionally rough for me, a continuation of the changes of the last few years. I’m spending much of my time reading, trying to get a handle on what is me and what was my mask now that I’ve finally accepted I’m Autistic. I had finally accepted earlier, but received an official assessment of my Neurotype in July 2024.
I did something last year that I don’t remember ever doing before: I deleted some of my published articles. Normally I want to maintain my changing thoughts as part of my history, but after an emotional spring last year (reliving in my own mind what happened the previous year), I decided in early June to delete articles that discussed my former workplace.
- September 26, 2023: End of an Era: My resignation from CRKN
- October 3, 2023: Still spinning? My time at Canadiana.org prior to the CRKN merger
- October 4, 2023: Still spinning? The merger of Canadiana.org with the Canadian Research Knowledge Network
- October 6, 2023: Still spinning? My time at the Canadian Research Knowledge Network
- March 6, 2024: Observations about (a review of)^2 Autism Employment
My intention was to share my observations in order to improve the organization, as the Canadiana project had become what I now know is a special interest. My focus was on the digital archive part, but also the public access to that archive. I saw the huge public value of this service, and more than anything else I wanted to see the Canadiana project succeed and flourish. I had noticed from other people who left (or were also pushed out) that CRKN didn’t do exit interviews, and I believe there is considerable organizational value to such information.
I received some feedback about the articles I posted in September and October that surprised me. I was being told that the postings would end my career. I didn’t understand how what I wrote related to me as an individual, or could be taken as a critique of some other individual. I think in terms of policies, cultures, and other systems – not in terms of individuals. Systems can always be improved, and I don't understand how some people personally identify with specific revisions of systems.
As I continued my reading, I came to recognize that what I was intending is not how others might see it. If CRKN's management were interested in my systems (computer, policy, social, etc) experience and observations, it would have been solicited (or even accepted when shared) while I was an employee. As someone specifically pushed out of that workplace for not fitting into that corporate culture, I should have been able to accept that any feedback I could have offered was destined for /dev/null .
As I learn about Autism, I’m really learning about Allism. I’ve been told my entire life about how “human nature” is somehow universal. Believing that notion caused me to mistake the rest of humanity as having similar motivations and desires as I do. The reality is that I’m Autistic with a specific Autistic profile, and we Autistics are a minority. What was true of me and why I think and do things could not be transposed onto others.
