Happy Gregorian New Year 2025

I have seen quite a few people doing a year in review of 2024. As I read one from NeuroDivergent Rebel, I convinced myself I should share as well.

I have been an Open (source, government, access, etc) type of person for much of my adult life. There are thoughts of mine that I posted to networks since the 1980’s which are available in online archives  (Article referencing something I posted in 1992). I’m a lifelong learner, so I’ve even written articles focused on how my ideas have changed over the decades. 

2024 was emotionally rough for me, a continuation of the changes of the last few years. I’m spending much of my time reading, trying to get a handle on what is me and what was my mask now that I’ve finally accepted I’m Autistic. I had finally accepted earlier, but received an official assessment of my Neurotype in July 2024.

I did something last year that I don’t remember ever doing before:  I deleted some of my published articles. Normally I want to maintain my changing thoughts as part of my history, but after an emotional spring last year (reliving in my own mind what happened the previous year), I decided in early June to delete articles that discussed my former workplace.

• September 26, 2023: End of an Era: My resignation from CRKN
• October 3, 2023: Still spinning? My time at Canadiana.org prior to the CRKN merger
• October 4, 2023: Still spinning? The merger of Canadiana.org with the Canadian Research Knowledge Network
• October 6, 2023: Still spinning? My time at the Canadian Research Knowledge Network
• March 6, 2024: Observations about (a review of)^2 Autism Employment

My intention was to share my observations in order to improve the organization, as the Canadiana project had become what I now know is a special interest. My focus was on the digital archive part, but also the public access to that archive. I saw the huge public value of this service, and more than anything else I wanted to see the Canadiana project succeed and flourish. I had noticed from other people who left (or were also pushed out) that CRKN didn’t do exit interviews, and I believe there is considerable organizational value to such information.

I received some feedback about the articles I posted in September and October that surprised me. I was being told that the postings would end my career. I didn’t understand how what I wrote related to me as an individual, or could be taken as a critique of some other individual. I think in terms of policies, cultures, and other systems – not in terms of individuals. Systems can always be improved, and I don't understand how some people personally identify with specific revisions of systems.

As I continued my reading, I came to recognize that what I was intending is not how others might see it. If CRKN's management were interested in my systems (computer, network, software, policy, social, etc) experience and observations, it would have been solicited (or even accepted when shared) while I was an employee. As someone specifically pushed out of that workplace for not fitting into that corporate culture, I should have been able to accept that any feedback I could have offered was destined for /dev/null .

As I learn about Autism, I’m really learning about Allism. I’ve been told my entire life about how “human nature” is somehow universal. Believing that notion caused me to mistake the rest of humanity as having similar motivations and desires as I do. The reality is that I’m Autistic with a specific Autistic profile, and we Autistics are a minority. What was true of me and why I think and do things could not be transposed onto others.

Asking Autistics: What advice do you have for employers?

A post in the Embracng Autism Facebook group asked a few questions of Autistics that included "What advice do you have for employers?".  This was in relation to the USA's National Disability Employment Awareness Month (NDEAM), which some Canadian governments also recognize.

I never had what I believe are thought of as accommodations. Until I reached the Autistic Burnout phase, by ability to mask meant I didn’t even need any support relating to noise or lighting.


What I always needed was understanding: understanding that “human nature” is not universal, and that my brain is wired such that my thinking and motivations for doing things will be different.


I’m Autistic. It is not something separate that I have, but a core part of who I am. If there was a pill that would eradicate Autism in me, I wouldn’t want it as some of the things I am most proud of myself for are related to being Autistic. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle, and that struggle is huge while I’m dealing with burnout. It is the lack of understanding and bigotry against anyone who is different that dis-ables me, not something relating to my specific form of Autism.


I’m speaking and thinking in a different dialect of English.


I ask questions to get clarity as I have noticed humans can be playing “broken telephone” even with only two people when assumptions are being made and people are trying to “read between the lines”. When I am asking questions I am not trying to challenge your authority: I am really just trying to ensure accurate communication.


I don’t see social hierarchies the way an Allistic or otherwise non-neurodivergent person might. I am an outsider to those social norms.

I believe all living things are deserving of respect. To me respect is like treating all humans with dignity. If you believe “respect” is about treating you as an authority figure because of some social hierarchy like an organisation chart, and that your treating me and others with basic decency is dependent on us treating you as an authority, then we aren’t going to get along well.


Please don’t require that I do immoral things as part of my job. I had an employer who wanted me to take broken parts from when I fixed computers, put them in a brand new computer, and ship it back to the manufacturer as “dead on arrival” (Note: that employer and manufacturer no longer exist, so I'm not sharing something about current entities). If you feel the desire to reprimand or fire me because I don’t put your profit above all other considerations, then that is on you and not on me. Chances are I will only tolerate those types of requests for a short period of time, and will resign on my own.


Please be specific about priorities. If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority. If you get upset at me for not “guessing” which thing should be the top-top-top priority, or you constantly contradict or block priorities previously set, that is on you and not on me. Your lack of ability to set and communicate priorities, especially any changed priorities, is a management and organisational problem and not a problem with any individual employee.


If you say one thing, and do another, I will learn not to trust you. Please don’t engage in “social lying” on my behalf as I strongly value truth.


Recognize that Autism is also not universal, including whether an individual considers Autism part of their identity or not, and what level of support they may need at any given moment. While I am an Autistic person with Canadian citizenship, there will be other people who are Canadians with Autism.

Worldview stuck in the past, self-called "progressives" walking blindly into failures.

For many reasons, I'm removing my participation on Twitter.  This includes looking at and deleting old messages.

Looking over older messages from 2022, I noticed something that I wanted to highlight: The same discussions are ongoing in 2024, with predictable outcomes.

---

There was an Ontario provincial election in 2022 where there was so much talk from partisans about how "critical" that election was (like nearly every election in my lifetime), and how a specific "bad leader" needed to be kept out because of the damage this individual could do.

I fully expect Trump to be elected as President of the United States again, and for the Conservative party of Canada to win sufficient seats for Pierre Poilievre to become Canada's next Prime Minister.

For those who think this will be disastrous, who should they be trying to change the minds of?

I believe the problem lies with the alleged "opposition" party partisans (often who call themselves "progressives") who remain only concerned about their corporate brands winning.  They are largely uninterested in (or actively opposed to) putting policies into place that would make our democratic institutions less vulnerable to corruption. (Example policies include: ranked ballots, ensuring leaders are decided by caucus members and not people who buy a ballot from a corporation, ensure party affiliation is deemphasized as being only one demographic trait of candidates, etc).

Hyper-partisans wanting party lists (or proximations to Party Lists using their Gallagher index) continue to block attempts to make parliament less corrupt(able).

"Just vote for the other guy" is never a valid answer to critical discussions of systemic flaws in democratic institutions.

---

Discussion of NATO expansion and the ongoing proxy war in Ukraine.

When the USA violated the UN charter multiple times (Afghanistan in 2001, Iraq in 2003, etc), it opened the doors to Russia to do the same in defense of ongoing NATO expansion.  NATO expansion is seen by Russia and several other nations as a threat to basic rights of self-determination of any non-Western nation since NATO was created as part of the launch of the cold war after WW2.

Discussions of the clearly racist nature of how Ukrainian land defenders are discussed in Western media and by Western politicians compared to any of the other ongoing global conflicts (including how Indigenous land defenders are covered).  This was also seen in the racist coverage of refugees.

---

There was quite a bit of talk about Zionism, and how Zionism continues to be used to justify violence against the existing inhabitants of Palestine since the 1920's.

Contrary to those who believe history started on October 7, 2023, I was reading in 2021 and 2022 from many people of a variety of Indigenous nationalities on this continent how familiar the colonial techniques Zionists were using against Palestinians are.

There was related talk about how Zionism has been at the root of many antisemitic views/actions as well, and how Zionism has made all Jewish peoples less safe since its formalization in the late 1890's.

Then there was the related and far to common denialism by Canadians about the historical and ongoing genocidal policies of the settler-colonial Dominion of Canada since it was imposed by the British Empire in 1867.

In 2022, representatives of the Roman Monarchy (Absolute Monarch of Vatican City, Pope Francis) and the British Monarchy (Charles, then Prince of Wales, and Camilla) visited land claimed by the Canadian Crown.

I'm cisgender : Inclusion vs attempted erasure of the diversity of the human experience.

I’m an Autistic white cis-heterosexual male settler, claimed as a citizen by the Dominion of Canada at birth in 1968. I have lived on lands of Anishinaabe peoples my entire life.

I say all of this as an introduction for a very specific reason, which is to offer myself as a SAFE person for people who are ostracized by this society (some to the point of reduced lifespans, such as #MMIWG). I have been granted unearned privilege in this society because of many of those demographic traits I have (all but being Autistic).

Some of my traits are visible and some are not. Suggesting people to try to hide any normally invisible traits (neurotype, gender, sexual orientation, etc) is in my mind no better than saying out loud that being non-white is a bad thing that people should try to hide if they can.

The tendency to prejudge people negatively if they don’t match specific hierarchies of demographic traits is a feature of specific cultures. It is not universal, and not part of “human nature”. That negative judgment is something that needs to be corrected in specific cultures, and making people realize that this isn’t universal (by outing yourself as a safe person) is a critically important tool in ensuring that this type of conversation happens.

If we hide the reality of diversity and intersectionality, those who want to crush diversity or impose social hierarchies where they put themselves as superior will always win (white supremacy, Androcentrism/misogyny, etc). Only by recognizing and embracing who we actually are as intersectional and diverse beings can we move forward.

I feel it is important to point these issues out. After trying to erase someone for discussing their being nonbinary, claiming caring about “labels and differences” of demographic traits shouldn’t be a focus, the person in the above exchange wanted everyone to focus on their gender and age to try to claim that calling out their behaviour was a form of bullying. It feels obvious that what they meant is they believe their demographic traits matter, and they are part of “shared humanity”, but other demographic traits are not part of shared humanity and should remain hidden and never mentioned. It is unfortunate that those who uphold such divisive ideologies will regularly claim it is those who are inclusive that are focusing on what divides us.

Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and why we seem to be arguing

I recently read I Will Die On This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards.

I am a late diagnosed Autistic Adult, and not a parent. While I can’t understand the experience of being a parent, I do have memories of my own childhood and interacting with adults that have only made sense in recent years as I've learned about Autism (and Allism).

When I heard about the book in July 2023 I added it to a goodreads list. I had what turns out to be a misconception that the book would be a debate between an “Autism Mom” (Allistic parent who thought of Autism as a disease that took their child, and who wanted sympathy for themselves and their hardships) and an “Autistic Mom of Autistic Children'' (who can remember how it felt to be treated as diseased by others). 

As an Autistic Adult I was going to read feeling like I was rooting for one of the "sides".

Spoiler: I was wrong!

I will keep this strong book recommendation as brief as I can, given there are many ways this book intersects with other learning I have been doing in the past few years.

My journey

My understanding of my own autism came in a very fortunate and privileged way. Starting in 2020 I started what I have come to understand as a “special interest” when I recognized I didn’t actually understand what Racism was.

Learning about Racism led me to learning about Anti-racism (Ibram X. Kendi), anti-colonialism/decolonization and intersectionality. I am a systems person, so I wasn’t stuck on individuals and individualism (and the myth racism is about individual racial prejudices) once I had done sufficient reading.

I had opportunities to learn, but being White has the privilege of racism being academic as real racism (as opposed to individual prejudices) will privilege rather than target individuals included in “Whiteness”. I am now aware so-called “Reverse Racism” isn’t a real thing.

While I have been in a so-called "mixed marriage" since 1997 (different races, different genders, etc), that lived experience does not in any way ensure someone understands what Racism is.

I had quite a bit of unlearning to do.

When I started to learn about Autism and other neurotypes I immediately recognized it as fitting within an intersectionality lens.

I do not accept the “medical model” around Autism any more than I accept the “medical model” around Race (IE: the pseudoscientific beliefs around scientific racism, eugenics, etc), gender or sexual orientation. (Note: Conversion Therapy for gender or sexual orientation was only outlawed under Canadian law in 2022, but similar techniques are still the most common alleged "treatment" for Autism) 

Depending on the audience, I see value in discussing two different models of understanding Autism.

• The Social model of disability. I don’t see my Autism as what disables me, but how my differences aren’t accommodated in a society that incorrectly presumes there is only one “correct” way of being a human. This is what reduces my ability (dis ability) to participate.
• Neurodiversity Paradigm, which sees neurotypes as being as a natural form of human diversity. Problems are generated by supremacist societies who "other"/exclude individuals and groups with different demographic traits.

The Authors

I believe intersectionality and specific lived experience meant that while these two mothers seemed to disagree at first, that neither actually represented the “Autism Mom” which I have observed online.


While one of the authors is a White Allistic mother, she is a mother in a mixed race family and knows what it feels like to be extra worried about police and other “authority” interactions with brown and black children. She taught elementary school for six years, and was already well-versed in developmentally appropriate practices. The other author is Anishinaabe, and has lived with cultural teachings that are quite different from Eurocentric colonial teachings.

Both authors approach this topic with an intersectionality lens.

Why the disagreement?

The book brings to the foreground something that everyone, regardless of their neurotype or if they are parents, should become aware. The problem isn’t that one of these mothers was Autistic and the other was Allistic, and that this would suggest they had different goals.

The problem is that everyone in society, but especially parents, are inundated by special interest groups (political and economic) who have ideological biases towards the Medical model of Autism. They will frighten parents into believing that there is something wrong with their children (and sometimes themselves) that needs to be fixed. As with the Medical model of Race, otherwise known as scientific racism and eugenics, there are even those looking for measures to prevent additional births of Autistic people.

I believe once we recognize the common problem, that we can all work together to make the lives of Autistic children better. This will allow them to grow up without the trauma some Autistic adults constantly live with.

Eternal September

“Eternal September” is a slang term I’ve been aware of since the early 1990’s. In the early days of the Internet (and Usenet, that I participated in using UUCP) it was filled with technical people and students, where new batches of students would join in September and would need to learn how to (appropriately) interact online. In the early to mid 1990’s (depending on location), the Internet became available to the general public and thus there were “newbies” joining all the time and the need to bring these new people up to speed on how to use the tools and interact was needed.

This is going to be a fact of the Autism community for the foreseeable future. New parents of newly diagnosed children, newly diagnosed adults, and fairly often both in a short timeframe (parents learning they are autistic because of their children) will always be finding the Autism community. They will most often be coming with harmful misinformation they have been offered by the medical profession and the horribly wrong and harmful information from The Autism Industrial Complex.

We need to remember they aren’t the enemy, even if they will use words that will be very hurtful to Autistic people. As hard as it will sometimes be, especially for us Autistic members of the community, we need to help them unlearn misinformation in as welcoming a way as we can.

I continue to see similarities between affirming Autism advocacy and support, and similar supports in gender affirming, sexual orientation affirming, and even Anti-Racism work. In fact, it all feels as if the problems come from the same place: vested interests in creating a hierarchy of humanity that puts specific (often extremely arbitrary) demographic traits above others.

An acquisition means a new job, not merely a different name on paychecks.

I wish to be open about a mistake I have made in my career, in case it helps someone else avoid something similar.

For most of my career I was brought into organizations (as an employee or contractor) by someone who knew me, what I could do for them, and how I worked.  An exception was when I was part of an acquisition. The new management team didn’t know who I was, only what was written in my job description.

I have had many job titles and descriptions, and none of them have been very meaningful. I work by trying to figure out what the project needs to get done, and then apply any skills I have towards whatever is the highest priority goal.

While I had the title of “Lead Systems Engineer” at the pre-merger organization, I was also actively involved in managing an OAIS preservation system (lead developer, support, data and metadata manager, etc), and lead developer of the metadata management system (we called it the “metadata bus”) for Canadiana.org's Access system.

After the merger I was told that I should continue the work that I was already doing, but I should not have taken that literally. I should have ceased any software development, data management, metadata management, or anything else not explicitly understood by the new management team as part of my job.  While the previous employer encouraged me to help anywhere in the organization I could, the new employer focused much more on social hierarchies, organization charts, and jurisdiction described in job descriptions.


At the time of the merger I had been given a choice:  Do I want to accept the reduced scope of this *new* job, or resign and look for a better matching job.

Instead of making an informed choice, I incorrectly believed nothing had changed. This only generated confusion and conflict between my style of working and the hierarchical corporate culture of the new organization.

I eventually resigned, but only after I had been pushed into Autistic Burnout. I have learned from this mistake, and I hope other people can as well.

(Reposted from LinkedIn)

My Autism Burnout story

Embrace Autism is creating an "Ultimate Guide of Autistic Burnout", and asked their online community for their Autistic Burnout stories. This was limited to 350 words, and I focused on what lead up to my burnout.

In later posts I will likely discuss what I have learned to help reduce Autistic meltdowns (autonomic storms) and hopefully avoid future Autistic Burnouts (crossing fingers, toes, etc, etc).

See also: Embrace Autism articles on Burnout

---

I’m a white cis-gender heterosexual male born in 1968, formally assessed Autistic in 2024. 

I have been part of the high-tech sector since my teens. In 2000 I was told there was quite a bit of Autism in the sector, and I should look into it.  I saw the ways Autistic people were alleged “defective”, so assumed that had nothing to do with me.

My mother’s death in 2018 caused me to see a psychotherapist, and after seeing me for several months I was asked if I had considered I was Autistic. I had doubts, partly because of the concept of an Autistic mask. I was bad at acting.

I never had regular job interviews, and was brought into organizations because someone knew my skills and way of working.  An exception occurred when I was part of a merger in 2018 of an organization I had been at for 7 years. The new employer was a strict hierarchy with a strict chain of command, which saw job titles as exclusive jurisdiction.  While I was focused on trying to get high-priority work done, working the way I had at the previous employer, all some people saw was me violating a social hierarchy.

In summer 2022 I contracted Lyme Disease. Fatigue meant I didn’t have the energy to mask, and thus I finally accepted I had been masking. Accusations of being rude and condescending to an allistic coworker were made. I would respond explaining Autism, and with logic and data, but that only made things worse.

By spring 2023 I was accused of workplace harassment and placed on sick leave. That threw me into a full-on burnout, unable to manage regular life tasks. I lost all personal doubt I had about Autism. When sick-leave ran out at the end of the summer I resigned, not seeing any room for me in that organization. 

As I write this in summer 2024, I’m much better, but still recovering. I believe learning I’m Autistic, and learning about spoon theory, will help me avoid similar situations in the future.  Learning about Autism includes learning about Allism.